Striving for Perfection

I’m a perfectionist.

There’s no way around it. I like things neat and orderly and I’m ok with that. Only lately, I’ve been having a really hard time keeping things that way. I haven’t been perfect.

The last year of my life has been full of personal and professional growth in both my art and design careers. But it hasn’t stopped me from falling back into old habits. I know that perfectionism doesn’t suit me. It doesn’t reflect my inner desire to be a little disheveled and kooky. Or even relaxed. But, i’ve been perfect for so long. I’ve pushed to be exactly what I thought I needed to be to meet the idea of who everyone else thought I should be — and i’m tired.

This desire to be perfect shows up in my art work and it’s driving me crazy. I tell myself that the art that I want to make is too messy when compared to the work that i’ve created in the past or even the work that i’ve created in the last week.

But I know deep down I want something different for myself.

I know this to be true for more than one area of my life but i’ve been researching, planning, over-analyzing, debating, questioning, dreaming about what I want but taking no action.

I don’t want to be a perfectionist.

I want to be me.

Knowing this, why is it so hard to move forward?